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Wednesday, February 2, 2011

"I am fearfully and wonderfully made.."

I know I said I'd do a blog post next on my sewing, and I will do one SOON. However, I've had this stuck in my head the past two days and wanted to write it down.

This verse keeps popping into my head...

"13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. " Psalm 139:13-14

No, I am not pregnant. I've been thinking about this in reference to Legree. As Ben and I are TALKING about expanding out family in the near future... it makes me think of the time when I was pregnant with Legree and the whole road to him arriving here with us. He certainly is a miracle and God has been with him every step of the way, from the moment he was concieved and "knit" together in my womb. What an amazing miracle and I feel SO honored that God allowed me to be a part of one of His miracles. It humbles me and makes be feel so special to be such a special part of God's design for human's.

Legree was a bit of a suprise to Ben and I. Well, not a bit...a BIG suprise. We weren't planning on starting a family for a few more months. God had other plans. Looking back I see God's "knitting" in play even before I was pregnant. Ben and I's intense love for each other, my doctor moving offices at the right time so my prescription couldn't get filled when I needed it, etc etc.

I had no idea or even thought that I was really pregnant. When I was 4 days late (I'm NEVER late and took medicine to make me regular in that dept anyways) I thought it was odd, but didn't really think it was possible. I took a test anyways, just in case. The instructions said it took 1-3 minutes for the results. Almost instantly the test said I was pregnant. I thought you had to wait 1-3 minutes for the "real" results because I just knew I wasn't pregnant. After 1 minute I was still pregnant, after 2 I was still pregnant and lo and behold after 3 minutes I was STILL very pregnant.

I found out first thing on a Tuesday morning, election today. I didn't want to call Ben and tell him over the phone. I wanted to be there when he found out, to see his reaction to rejoice in this with him, together. Not hear it. So I waited... I thought about our sweet baby all day and worried about his health. I called Ben about 20 times waiting for him to come home. I kept telling him to hurry. He finally got home, I handed him a box and told him I made him a present. He opened it and found the positive pregnancy test as well as a note that said "Daddy, I'm pregnant! Love, Mommy". He told me he was going to kick me out. LOL, if anyone knows Ben that's SOO him. Such the jokester. Then he grabbed me in a big hug and kissed me! We were suprised, terrified, excited and overjoyed all at the same time! We didn't know what was in store for us!!

When I went in for an ultrasound all was good. The next U/S they found small white spots on Legree's heart. Pretty normal for a baby that far along in the womb, but they can be indications of problems if they are still their further along in your pregnancy. Legree had two dots, anymore then two can a pretty clear sign of a birth defect or abnormality. I was reassured by the dr. that two or less, no biggie and they are usually gone by around 20 weeks and if not they are generally always gone by 24 weeks. When we went in for our 20 week check up, they were still there, but the dr. wasn't worried. Everything was normal. At 24 weeks the "dots" were still there. The dr. still wasn't too terribly worried since their were only 2 and he was SO healthy and everything else looked so great. At 28 weeks I asked if we could do another U/S to see if these dots had gone. The Dr. thought it was a good idea and scheduled an U/S at 30 weeks. I went in and the tech did a very long U/S. The dots were still there. She also found several other alarming "issues". We spoke with our Dr. and found that there were possible problems with his leg size, head size, intestines and some heart issues. Ben and I were both devestated. She scheduled a level 2 ultrasound with a genetic specialist to see if these were issues. An ultrasound after 24 weeks are pretty inaccurate. A highly trained seasoned US tech can mess it up. But from what they were seeing at our Dr's office it was not good. They thought at best there is nothing wrong and the US findings were inaccurate, at worst he could have a genetic abnormality and be disabled or not survive at all. This was on a Friday. The level 2 US was scheduled for a Tuesday. To say this was the hardest weekend of my life is an understatement. I literally spent the entire weekend praying, reading the Bible, crying onto Ben's shoulder and laying in bed wondering what was going to happen to my sweet baby. By the end of the weekend I knew I could handle anything God gave me. I just hoped and prayed that our child was going to survive. The rest, were just details. I know I could have handled it if he hadn't survived, because God would give me the strength but I just couldn't handle thinking about it then.

We went into the Level 2 ultrasound with a meeting planned with the best genetic doctor in the area afterwards to see where we stood. They did an US took LOTS of pictures and took a lot of time reviewing EVERYTHING. Like I said, US this far along have a high precentage rate of being wrong in their findings. The baby is just too big to get correct information sometimes. Anyways, thankfully they found NOTHING wrong with Legree. He was perfectly heathly! I mean not ONE thing wrong with him. The two dots were still on his heart, but they assured me that that was okay and would disapear in time. His intestines were fine, his bone structures were fine, his heart was fine. They told me what I was dying to hear... HE WAS HEALTHY!

God knit this child in my womb. I praise Him everyday for Legree's healthy and vitality! That incident made me appreciate and realize I am not in control of my pregnancy, of my life, of my child's life or over anything really. That everything was in God's hands. I see God's work in this situation too. Some people thought I should be upset or mad for them messing up the US and making me worry so. But I'm so thankful for it. It made me appreciate the Lord and appreciate my son's health SO much more then I ever could have had this not happen. I look back now and I'm pretty sure that time was the closest I've ever been with God. And I see how much it's strengthen my belief in Him and my relationship with Him.

And now I know..."your works are wonderful, I know that full well"

Here's some US pictures from when we found out Legree was a sweet little boy!

1 comment:

  1. Also, they ran several tests and exams on Legree after he was born, just to be sure everything was okay. He was perfect!!